Public Radio Pillows

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"Not a phone call in days, and just LOOK at the pledge board! If we don't start hearing from some of you, dinosaurs might very well become a thing of the past!"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I know it's gassy...'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

Loch Ness Beer Monster

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

Barman In Love.

Pre-Television Man Caves

Non Thought For The Day.

'What happened to your hand.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

"What'll ya have?"

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'