Public Broadcaster Pillows

"Not a phone call in days, and just LOOK at the pledge board! If we don't start hearing from some of you, dinosaurs might very well become a thing of the past!"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I know it's gassy...'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Loch Ness Beer Monster

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

Barman In Love.

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"What'll ya have?"

'What happened to your hand.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'Please stop crying into your beer - It's watered down enough!'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'