Public Broadcaster Gifts

"Not a phone call in days, and just LOOK at the pledge board! If we don't start hearing from some of you, dinosaurs might very well become a thing of the past!"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I know it's gassy...'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

Loch Ness Beer Monster

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

Barman In Love.

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"What'll ya have?"

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'What happened to your hand.'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

'Please stop crying into your beer - It's watered down enough!'

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"...and when the show's not on the road, we still like to work together."