Public Television Gifts

The following program was made possible by a grant from someone who obviously has way too much money.

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'I know it's gassy...'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

Loch Ness Beer Monster

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

Barman In Love.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

'What happened to your hand.'

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"What'll ya have?"

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

Snow Plow Driver Relaxing at Home.

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

'Please stop crying into your beer - It's watered down enough!'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."