Public Television Patrons Gifts

The Masterpiece Theatre Gang

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

"I've looked at their viewer profiles and if we watch this channel we'll be 20 years younger."

And here is the day's news that we are going shove down your throat.

"Sooner or later you just knew it had to come to this. . ."

'The ecosystem can fend for itself, but you're blocking the tv.'

Sailor notices a sea mine in his foot bath.

Soap Opera

Dog watched 'Fire Hydrants of the Rich and Famous.'

This program is made possible by donations from Don and Mary Doughaberg, and from lowlifes like you who never get their names mentioned.

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

Hence the name.

'You won't let me go down the pub at night. . . now you won't let me have my friends round.'

"We ought to send PBS some money so it can afford better pledge-break specials."

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'PBS is weird -- they just ran an eight-hour commercial about how they never have commercials.'

'And on today's show we're offering sensible advice for money worries, interspersed with adverts for crippling loans and online gambling.'

'The reason man hasn't been to the moon in 35 years is because there's no T.V. and recliner up there.'

"Thanks for coming Bob, the reception was terrible before..."

Plasma Screen

'Let's keep it simple -- stop serving me when you run out of beer.'

"Every few years, Gordon and the TV get a couple of inches wider."

"Did you remember the ice cream?"

Hooligans at Home

"We do have channel blocker, but my kid won't show me how to use it."

'Yes, we're having another fund raiser but, please don't give! Who cares if honest intelligent radio goes silent forever?'

'I wonder if there's a state where no marriages are recognized.'

'We can expect some showers in the west, sunny conditions in the south and a frog warning up north...!'