Public Television Fan Gifts

'Happy 50th PBS.'

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

' Can I borrow change for the bus? With the cost of gas, I just can't justify buzzing around the city in that thing.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

TV Situations vacant.

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

New symbol for Public TV: 'The tin cup' (PBS)

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

Liz Hurley

News Wear World

"No, no, the way you're shifting your papers - it's all wrong."

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Cleaning up after a statue.

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"We ought to send PBS some money so it can afford better pledge-break specials."

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

"We interrupt this programme to warn viewers that programmes may sometimes be interrupted."

They watch for a while, then, unlike humans, they get bored.

"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."

Televised Insomnia Benefit Telethon puts couple to sleep.

'In honor of the Bureau of Missing Persons'

"This Fall on NBC: Fish Out of Water"

Lord Robert Winston

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

Batman getting the subway