Public Television Fan Pillows

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

' Can I borrow change for the bus? With the cost of gas, I just can't justify buzzing around the city in that thing.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

TV Situations vacant.

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"No, no, the way you're shifting your papers - it's all wrong."

News Wear World

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Cleaning up after a statue.

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"We ought to send PBS some money so it can afford better pledge-break specials."

"We interrupt this programme to warn viewers that programmes may sometimes be interrupted."

Televised Insomnia Benefit Telethon puts couple to sleep.

They watch for a while, then, unlike humans, they get bored.

"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."

'In honor of the Bureau of Missing Persons'

"This Fall on NBC: Fish Out of Water"

Lord Robert Winston

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

'Working from home is great! You can keep your mind occupied watching daytime TV.'

Batman getting the subway