Public Radio Gifts

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"Not a phone call in days, and just LOOK at the pledge board! If we don't start hearing from some of you, dinosaurs might very well become a thing of the past!"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'I know it's gassy...'

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Pre-Television Man Caves

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

Barman In Love.

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

Loch Ness Beer Monster

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

Non Thought For The Day.

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"What'll ya have?"

'What happened to your hand.'

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Sports Radio in Crisis