Pub Entertainer Gifts

Karaoke kid.

"Extreme miming"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Sorry. I'm out of leprecondoms."

"Harpy Hour."

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

Fly Club Singer: 'Wherever I Lay My Eggs, That's My Home...'

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

'What happened to the guy with the harmonica?'

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

Bumper Puncture Repair Kit.

'What a twist of fate!'

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Adult Magician

"At my birthday parties you call the shots, but out here you do as I say, soldier!"

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"I've stopped looking for work, which, I believe, helps the economic numbers."

No glasses to be taken outside.

'I'm sorry, boss, but you tell them to leave.'

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'

'Is the organ grinder about?'

'It's 600 bucks regardless of how freaked out your kid gets.'

'My beer's not cloudy. The glasses are dirty.'

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

Roverdance.

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'

'You better not start anything...'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"