Pub Storyteller Gifts

'Let me tell you about the three little pigs - First, they weren't all that little...'

"I've stopped looking for work, which, I believe, helps the economic numbers."

Of course that was in the days when I was Lord of the Rings...

'What a twist of fate!'

"Sure it looks good from the outside, but you try bob, bob, bobbin' along, day in, day out."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'I told you. . . H not S!'

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"By the time I was supposed to resume my hockey career, I had discovered ice dancing."

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"I didn't exactly win it."

'I was warned about online dating.'

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

"Still a freelance journalist?"

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

I Spoke Out On The Issues - Please Help.

Bird Watchers Club of America.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"