Bar Storyteller Gifts

"O.K., Let's try this scenario..."

'Wild Joe Walsh shot Johnnie 'The Undertaker' Jones at that very table - oh yes - we take our dominoes real seriously in this pub...'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"What other tricks does he need?"

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'I told you. . . H not S!'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"I didn't exactly win it."

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

'What a twist of fate!'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I was warned about online dating.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I was in one of them tooth for a tooth squabbles.'

"I've stopped looking for work, which, I believe, helps the economic numbers."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'