Bar Raconteur Gifts

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Are you blind ref?'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"House red, sir?"

Crafty Fish.

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

Road Kill Cafe.

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

Are substitutions permitted? If they were, don't you think I would have substituted another customer for you? Menu.

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

The world's oldest braided rug

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

Crime and punishment - football.

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

'It's a cheeky little wine!'