Party Entertainer Gifts

"At my birthday parties you call the shots, but out here you do as I say, soldier!"

"I'm up to here in fun."

'It's 600 bucks regardless of how freaked out your kid gets.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Clown on bike.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Extreme miming"

The Rooster Comedian.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Comedy Cafe

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Cow Show Tunes

"That'll be five bucks."

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Bravo!"

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'