Party Entertainer T-Shirts

"At my birthday parties you call the shots, but out here you do as I say, soldier!"

"I'm up to here in fun."

'It's 600 bucks regardless of how freaked out your kid gets.'

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Clown on bike.

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

The Rooster Comedian.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Extreme miming"

"We're following Carrot Top."

Comedy Cafe

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"That'll be five bucks."

Cow Show Tunes

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Clown God

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."