Party Performer Gifts

'All right, Mr. Wonderful - let's see how long you can hold it there.'

Neat Trick.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Bacchus.

Party Animals.

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

George Michael

Cow Show Tunes

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'Play it again, Sam.'

"Bravo!"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."