Pub Brawler Humorist Gifts

'Oi pal, did you spill my pint?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Harpy Hour."

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I can lick any man in the house!'

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Cool bulls.

'That's the last straw, mister.'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Who you calling a candya**?"

'I'm having what he's having.'

No glasses to be taken outside.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.