Prose Polisher Gifts

'Hows it coming?'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Tortoise polishing his shell

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

Writer

Poetry repairman

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'Yes, I have an MBA, A Mistress of Business Administration.'

Bald man polishing head

Slam Dunking the Outtray

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test. We won't be hiring you.'

Online Dating

'Oh. I thought it was just a typo on their sign.'

Warning: Slippery slope of over-used metaphors ahead (majestic pines, crystal streams, etc.). Writers are advised to take alternate path.

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

"It's the big guy."

Just a regular Sunday afternoon,

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

"Well, I didn't get the job, but my resume got an A in creative writing class."

'And you've written to the council on this one.'

'Careful, I went absolutely mad and polished everything.'