Prose Polisher Pillows

'Hows it coming?'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

Writer

Tortoise polishing his shell

Poetry repairman

'Yes, I have an MBA, A Mistress of Business Administration.'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

Bald man polishing head

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

Slam Dunking the Outtray

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

Writers Block: "Day 24 and still no typewriter!"

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

'Oh. I thought it was just a typo on their sign.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test. We won't be hiring you.'

Online Dating

Warning: Slippery slope of over-used metaphors ahead (majestic pines, crystal streams, etc.). Writers are advised to take alternate path.

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

"It's the big guy."

Boot Camp. Barracks 18. This fluid is specially formulated to remove old polish from combat boots. Ah, a military solution!

Just a regular Sunday afternoon,

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

"Well, I didn't get the job, but my resume got an A in creative writing class."

'And you've written to the council on this one.'