Profile Polisher Pillows

Online Dating

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

Tortoise polishing his shell

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'Hows it coming?'

'Yes, I have an MBA, A Mistress of Business Administration.'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

Bald man polishing head

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'He was taller online!'

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

'I'm sorry, Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test. We won't be hiring you.'

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

Just a regular Sunday afternoon,

Boot Camp. Barracks 18. This fluid is specially formulated to remove old polish from combat boots. Ah, a military solution!

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

"I keep changing my profile picture."