Profile Perfectionist Pillows

Tall, Dark, and Handsome chats with Buxom Blonde.

'I can live with a fuzzy driver's license picture but not with a bad Facebook photo.'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

"My webcam is on the fritz. Let me email you a photo of myself at twenty one and in the best shape of my life."

"I keep changing my profile picture."

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

'Just tweaking my bio in Wikipedia - what's up with you?'

'He was taller online!'

'You look like you are struggling, what's the problem?!'

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"That's his online avatar...the off-line version is over here."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bullseye!

Do you have any other skills?

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"On the contrary. For this position we're looking for someone who can think 'inside the box'."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"