Livestock Polisher Pillows

Oxy clean.

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

Sick Rancher Humor

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Tortoise polishing his shell

The Cattle show Week.

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'Hows it coming?'

'Yes, I have an MBA, A Mistress of Business Administration.'

'For the last time, Megan, she won a blue ribbon at the Imperial Valley Fair... I mean, my hands are tied here.'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'Pork bellies are up...'

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)

Clang clang. Uncle Ernie, why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

Bald man polishing head

"Daisy, Daisy, I've seen the farmer filling in the forms: We're going to the Agricultural Show!"

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

Quick! To the Other Side of the Field.

"Holy cow! This is bourbon!" "My husband is from Kentucky."

“They look like last year’s models.”

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

"I'm here about the found poster."

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test. We won't be hiring you.'

Online Dating

Herd of Holsteins and a herd of hairstylists

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

Texas longhorn sees wind turbine that resembles its long horns

When Farmers Tip...