Property Ownership Gifts

"I love real estate. It's so tangible."

"Homeowner please help."

Get Off My Sidewalk

'We bought thinking we'd enjoy being only a stone's throw from the playground.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Use your imagination.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

Mouse real estate!

"The pH level seems a little off."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

An exaggeration of estate agents

'I'll say this for you young Thoreu - he certainly does make good use of his pond.'

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'