Land Ownership Gifts

"How many acres do I have? What's an acre?"

"I was hoping you had no more territorial ambitions."

"Someday, son, all this will be yours..."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Unforeseeable future site of Hainesmore Industries.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"Sold his air rights."

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'