Property Owner Gifts

For Sale

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"How many acres do I have? What's an acre?"

"I got my tax bill today...do you know what I paid per acre...? Unbelievable!"

William and Real Estate

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'23-D meet 17-C, sublet...'

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

"Whoa now, hold on hold on! I just wanted to read that sign there. I couldn't see it from the road."

"The HOA doesn't like our rock arrangement."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

A fight in the Boardroom.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'