Mansion Owner Gifts

Use your imagination.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

The Day Dreamer.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

Ok, I'll put in the hundred thousand for a 50% share of your St. George franchise.

"Sold his air rights."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'Here's your lemonade and here's some descriptive literature about my franchising opportunities.'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

The Climate Change Debate Explained

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

Man in woods sees sign, 'No Trespassing', next to 'Go Ahead - Make Our Day!'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"It may well be the root of all evil, but it's also the root of all this."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

William and Real Estate