Profit Pragmatist Gifts

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Drive-thru Church

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

Put it in writing!

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Bob's more realistic."

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'When life serves you lemons, make lemonade, then calculate your fixed and variable costs and add a reasonable markup in order to create a profit.'

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

'I've been doing a lot of soul searching, Jenkins, and I've realized there's just so much more to money than life.'

"But a windfall tax would mean abandoning a zero carbon future."