Profit Pragmatist T-Shirts

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Drive-thru Church

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

Put it in writing!

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

Half full. Optimist. Half empty. Pessimist. Pragmatist.

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

With gas prices soaring, many stations have begun posting EMS teams next to their pumps.

"Bob's more realistic."

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

What would John Dewey say?

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

'When life serves you lemons, make lemonade, then calculate your fixed and variable costs and add a reasonable markup in order to create a profit.'

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

"It's a troubling ethical dilemma."

Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be? Insurance-Adjuster-Man. In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure. Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast. "Heroes" aren't in it for the money. Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance ...

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.