Profile Updater Gifts

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

The Modern Novel.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

" 'Obselete' means any software the company bought last year for multi-megabucks."

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

'Hello! Don't I know you from the internet?'

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

"Definitely time for an upgrade."

If you meet someone online who says he's a 22 year old software millionaire who looks like Harry Styles he's really unemployed, 45 and lives with his mother!

Kiss me quik dating service

"What should I use for our scream name?"

'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'

Before and After an Update

"Your new operating system has rendered all your applications and peripherals inoperable"

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

Good morning, Facebook friends!

"I need to change my life...I'll just change my profile."

'Can I have a few minutes to update my profile page?'

'Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend... profile #6310712!'

"Sorry chief, just updating my status."

'Please tell me that you have something else to offer?'

Updating my facebook profile

Ernie, your online dating profile says you're tall, athletic and wealthy. this is the biggest joke I've ever seen! Good point, Frank. I need to add something about my great sense of humor!

'You looked a lot smaller online.'

Santa's Grotto.

"I'll describe you as 6' and athletic. Everyone exaggerates online."

"His profile said he was involved in marketing for a major high street chain."