Media Updater Gifts

The Modern Novel.

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

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DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

'There's been an update. Instead of abracadabra, it's option/control key.'

As Seen On TV

Books and Phones

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

"The oracle demands the sacrifice of a virgin or an update of its operating system."

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

" 'Obselete' means any software the company bought last year for multi-megabucks."

"What'll it be ... scary movies or scary news?"

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

'I'm just working my way through my DVD boxset of The Complete Everything That's Ever Been on TV.'

"The following program contains adult situations designed to make you feel bad about your life."

Man holding up a cowboy with his TV remote control.

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

"Here's a great software update. It lets me delete all the features that I didn't want from the last update."

Working on updates. 11% complete. Don't turn off your computer.

"I used to shoot first and ask questions later, but now I start with the questions."

'Better not circulate these.'

"Have you noticed that people look smaller on the telly...?"

"Babe, I'm tired of staying in and watching Netflix every night. How much is Hulu?"

Mammon Industries - "He says his name is Billy and he's here to update our software."

"Sorry, but I have to let you all go. I'm getting all of my presents online now."

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

"Definitely time for an upgrade."

Blue video.

Library computer center: CYBRARIAN.

Turn this music off! Please. Thumpa thump … Thank goodness. This is insane. How can they combine a talk show with house music? Allow us to explain: To attract younger audiences, we, the media conglomerates, must communicate on their terms, on their wavelength. More media, multimedia, simultaneous media, streaming screaming gleaming screeching grinding mind-bending media! I'm going to kill something! You're playing into their hands. Thumpa thumpa thumpa.