Professional Jester Gifts

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'...I mean on the one hand you have a set of avaricious money and status obsessed paper shuffler...'

'I see you state here that you handle stress very well...'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

"I may seem like a dour sort, Mr. Penfeather, but, I assure you, I can smile with the best of them when the occasion demands."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

Suggestives.

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Now that you're awake, pack up your stuff. -Your former boss.

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Oh, nuts – I forgot why I came out here."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Born In Captivity.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."