Job Title Jester Gifts

'Nobody understands my job title.'

'My former boss called me an 'Efficiency Expert' because I messed up as much as possible in the shortest time!'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Scapegoat of the Year

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

A baby in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'