Job Title Jester Pillows

'Nobody understands my job title.'

'My former boss called me an 'Efficiency Expert' because I messed up as much as possible in the shortest time!'

For the last time, I'm a "letter carrier" not a "mail escort."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Scapegoat of the Year

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

A baby in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.