Modern Jester Gifts

I never thought I'd be competing with cat videos!

Homeless man's sign: 'Sperm donor to the crowned heads of Europe.'

"I downloaded this trading-app that allows me to work from home."

"This new job of mine is like paradise."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Books / Coffee table books

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'Any questions?'

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'