Career Jester Gifts

'I'll be conducting the final phase of your job interview I've heard a lot of good things about you!' ('Must maintain eye contact..')

'By golly, you've erected a whole new skill set.'

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

Born In Captivity.

Teddy Bears for all trades

'I get out in sixty days -- I guess I better update my resume.'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

Just a little heads up!

'Put me in any position. I know them all.'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"I've got to be honest, Kevin. Frankly, I don't think you're cut out to be a sillhouette."

"I'm sorry, I thought your application was an April fool."

"And without shaking yourself, where do you see yourself in five years?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'