Privatisation Skeptic Gifts

Girton's Gravel and Ambulance Service

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

"This is part of the privatisation I don't like."

Doctor's house visit "What's made him worse since I phoned Doctor was worrying about the cost of a house call"

BP Greed Credentials - huge profits and cuts to environmental promises.

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

'With the threat of ABS's competing for Council work is going to get even harder...'

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

The devolution of the NHS

"Hello, Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?"

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

'Dr. Winslow will be checking your heart. Dr. Briggs will be checking your lungs. And I will be checking your bank account.'

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

Railway accidents

Essential / Non Essential Signpost - 'It's way more competitive since they turned things over to the private sector.'

'Before I can put you in touch with reality, you'll have to sign this release form.'

"After all these years of chucking wood, I can't believe we now have to verify that we actually can chuck wood, and exactly how much."

The merger is off.

We Wanna Be Loved

"Nope. I'm not falling for another Pyramid Scheme."

Officialdom-phobia.

Health and Safety: Knock (But not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

No loitering.

So you know my age and that I like Scrabble and that I may at one point have purchased foot cream? Of course. You're on Facebook. It's a terrific way to let the world know who you are. What about my privacy? Your what? Privacy?! Not familiar. Can you spell it?

"I don't care if someone is bugging my cell phone, I have no opinions of my own."

'Normally we just come up with some ludicrously high figure depending on how deep we think your pockets are, then we offer you a huge 'discount' to bring it down to about twice what we actually need.'

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

"Just a standard test to measure your corporate loyalty,"

'Shame...for a nurse she has the right experience, she's obviously caring and committed, but she was let down by her understanding of door handle sanitisation management protocols.'