Private Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

Reserved

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"How's the salmon?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"