Elegant Dining Aficionado T-Shirts

Tap's fine.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Regular service or affected?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"How's the salmon?"

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."