Fancy Restaurant Aficionado T-Shirts

'I am sorry, sir, but zee facilities are for zee paying customers only.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

La Table

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"Expense account or regular?"

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Room for dessert, folks?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."