Fancy Restaurant Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I'm afraid we're closed. The lobsters escaped and killed the chef."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"How's the salmon?"