Fancy Restaurant Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm afraid we're closed. The lobsters escaped and killed the chef."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Dog Dressed to Eat

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Advanced footsie

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"How's the salmon?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."