Fancy Dining Enthusiast Gifts

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Dog Dressed to Eat

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"How's the salmon?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Expense account or regular?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'