High-end Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

"The maître d' here is a master at economic profiling.",

'This evening's specials include 72-month financing on the filet mignon.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Regular service or affected?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"How's the salmon?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"