Niche Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Well, what sort of customers did you expect if all you ever learned to cook was bamboo shoots?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Advanced footsie

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"