Privacy Paranoid Gifts

'You post intimate details on Facebook, you want to be followed on Twitter, you send out dozens of selfies a day, yet you're paranoid about your computer's camera?'

The Anti-Agent

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Club Antisocial

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Do you mind?"

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Privacy Conference Security

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"Yes, I'm alone."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

She required plenty of personal space.

A Little Extra

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

'More government surveillance!'