Privacy Paranoid Pillows

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Club Antisocial

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Next gen pregnancy tests.

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Privacy Conference Security

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

She required plenty of personal space.

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

'More government surveillance!'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Hello from the shed.