Prison Warden Gifts

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

'First of all, I need you to phone around, reassure the investors.'

'You left the annual report meeting early, too, huh?

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

'We're very keen on encouraging inmates to volunteer...for example I can't even REMEMBER the last time I washed my own car!'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"This is what happens when ethical standards are set artificially high."

'Hey, how about that! You're in corrections and I'm on parole!'

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

'I'm not trying to be responsive to your needs!'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Prisoners complaining during an inspection

"Ahh...it's nice to get your feet up, now and again!"

"It's the warden's idea. She thinks it's cute."

HM prisons are all full.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'I thought a cake was a bit obvious, so I've emailed the file to you.'

'I've learnt so many new tricks since I've been in here rubbing shoulders with politicians and policemen!!'

'I want to see the prison dentist... you've been giving me too much crusty-bread and not enough water!'

Dirty Job Christmas

'Think about it -- if you were a politician, would you want more prison space available?'

'Eddie, I'm at a private contractor prison. I'll have my people contact your people about buying this joint.'

Cell division

'We are no longer called criminals. We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

"I'll just have a latte to go, please."

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

"I was almost like Robin Hood. I took from the rich, but then I kept it."

"And in here, they're 'cells' not 'cubicles'."

"Warden. You wanted to speak to inmate Thomas."

'I believe the Gov'nor used to own a hotel in Blackpool.'

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

Prison Calendar

Why So Depressed?