Prison Guard Gifts

"It was WORSE than guilty! - The jury found me NONCOMPLIANT!"

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

"And with 10 being the highest, you're sure you're only at a 6?"

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

"The last thing you want to do while on the stand is pull a temper tantrum."

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

"I'm not a rat. I'm a person who ratted you out. There's a difference. You need to accept that so we can get past it."

'You never take me anywhere.'

"Your nails look much better. But that wasn't why I gave you the file."

'A guard's coming! Quick, fill in the hole!'

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

'I know your sentence is up, but the locksmith died last year.'

'For my last meal, I'd like something that's not high in trans-fat.'

"From now on, maybe we should let somebody ELSE'S conscience be our guide."

'You see? One door closes, and another opens up!'

'I'd be a free man today if it weren't for all the witnesses, the evidence and my confession.'

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

"Everybody thinks I'm in rehab."

'So...er...been anywhere nice this year.' Prison Barber

Human Rights and Human Wrongs.

'I'll have the number three.'

"False alarm. It was just a telemarketer."

'What's so funny?'

"I'll trade you two of my chocolate bars for five of your cigarettes."

Folsom Prison - A Gated Community

Man looking at a storefront that reads "Three Guys on Work Release".

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Okay, who gets the kosher meal?'

'I tried to turn my life around, and apparently I made an illegal U-turn,'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

Intimate Apparel and Inmate Apparel.

"Well, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me. My door is never open."

Deaf Row

'Y'know, if you think about it, this is like the ultimate 'Go to your room' thing.'