Jail Guards Gifts

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

"He likes it."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Night-shift entrance

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Madoff and devil.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Freedom Book.

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Prison Romance.

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Are you free at the moment?'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Prisoner Trump

When staffing agencies screw up.

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'Escape?...Why?'