Jail Guards Gifts

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

"He likes it."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

Minority Report

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Night-shift entrance

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

Prison Romance.

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

Freedom Book.

'Are you free at the moment?'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

When staffing agencies screw up.

'We didn't have enough money for steel bars, so we just put a bunch of syrup on the wood.'