Jailers Gifts

'If you think he's bad, just wait till they send in the social workers.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Shakespeare in the clink

Prison Romance.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"Carl! I thought I'd find you here."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

"They found culturally insensitive products in my kitchen."

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'-and which commandment did you break?'

'I never saw a man who looked with such a wistful eye upon that little tent of blue which prisoners call the Sky.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Hey, Pluto, I'm not responsible for what a bunch of astronomers come up with!

"You've got a dinner invitation."

Free the Downtown Three!

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

"Why not become a prison officer when you're released, Dobson? We need 2,000 new prison officers; the government's keen to provide employment for ex-offenders plus you know the ropes."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'It's for you.'

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'Looks like the jailhouse rock to me.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'