Jail Gifts

Prisoner painting his ball and chain.

"Solitary sure ain't what it used to be."

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Shakespeare in the clink

Madoff and devil.

Prison Romance.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Prisoner Crossing

Police Lineup Escape

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"Carl! I thought I'd find you here."

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"Maximum security prison"

"They found culturally insensitive products in my kitchen."

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'-and which commandment did you break?'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'I never saw a man who looked with such a wistful eye upon that little tent of blue which prisoners call the Sky.'

Hey, Pluto, I'm not responsible for what a bunch of astronomers come up with!

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'